I'm going to make a statistical generalization and say that a vast majority of New Year's resolutions wind up in the garbage (or the cookie jar depending on the resolution) by February. Instead of a resolution or two, I've made a list of goals for this year. So here are my 11 for 2011:
1. Secure a commission in the Navy
This is first and foremost. I've put much thought over the past few months on what my next step in life will be after I graduate university and I've repeatedly arrived here. I've got a lot of work to do, but I'm ready.
2. Set monthly fitness goals
While a ridiculous amount of flopped New Year's resolutions are fitness related (gyms and book store featured tables across the country can attest to this), having routine goals is more realistic. For example, my January goal is 20 minutes of exercise every day (this is in addition to karate). Furthermore, I've found another running program to work with that I really like, so this is completely doable. Next month I intend to re-evaluate where I'm at and what I need to do to get better.
3.0 Add some happy hip hop music to my repertoire
Yes, miss classic/hard/gothic rock is actually branching out. I have slowly come to realize that not all hip-hop is obnoxious and the "happy" variety makes me, well, happy. It's also great workout music! (For the record I still abhor rap music, just had to put that out there).
3.1 (Because, well, 3.0 needed some more substance.) Get better at sending greeting cards (i.e. actually do so).
This is a general correspondence goal. I'd like to start sending actual cards/notes/etc. Who says my generation is losing touch with "old fashioned" communication? I intend to fight this gross generalization!
4. Tackle an MFA reading list
Okay, start tackling one (most are hellas long). It's going to be a while before I'm going to be able to go back to school and get another degree, but someday I'd like to consider getting an MFA in creative writing. In the interim, there's nothing like rounding out my reading to develop my writing skills.
5. Go skiing again
I tried skiing for the first time over my Christmas holiday and had a blast. I intend to hit the slopes again this year.
6. Write a blog post a week
While I'm stealing some of my goals from my reinvention list of a few months ago, it's something I want to bring into 2011. A second part of this is to chronicle my goals as I work towards them. Writing material!
7. Expand my container garden
Last year I cultivated some pepper and cilantro plants, nothing too fancy but it was a success. As soon as the frost is clear, I intend to start it up again. I'm looking into what other plants I might add.
8. Collect my favorite recipes into one cookbook.
I've mentioned Ree (Pioneer Woman) and her blog a time or two in the past few months. Someone got the hint and I received her cookbook for Christmas. I've already found a few recipes that, after rigorous testing (i.e. taste testing!) I will add to the book of life accordingly. In the mean time, I intend to locate the recipes for my favorite foods. Many of these are either recipes from my mother, her mother, etc. and recipes that I've happened upon over the years and/or have created (modified) myself. The bottom line is to have a collection of those tried and true, yummerific foods (it's a technical term).
9. Thrift shopping for funky clothes
Again inspired by a blog, this time New Dress A Day, I'd like to hit the estate/garage sales/ flea markets/etc. and try my hand at revamping some old stuff. This is both friendly to my budget and my personality.
10. Take some shooting courses
I'm not too shabby at target shooting, but practice never hurt and I'd like to look into some more action oriented courses. At the very least, if I get to the range more this year I'll be a happy camper.
11. Karate
I will make my final point in a moment, but before then enjoy this long introduction to my finale!
One thing that scares the living day lights out of me is that my home base will be changing a little over a year from now. While change is the only constant in life (I really despise that saying, for the record), I have always been a creature of habit who detests said habit to be interrupted. I'm talking about major stuff such as where I live, where I go to school/work, etc. I'm the kid who cried at the end of every. single. school year from oh maybe 2nd grade on because I didn't want a new teacher and new classmates. I feel comfort in what I know (most people do, I suppose). Well that's all changing again as I shift from student to career woman (that's scary), which in my case will involve a geographic change. For the record I am bound and determined to get through said change with as few to no emotional breakdowns as possible, I have to grow up sometime... Ahem.
FINALE: One of my most beloved aspects of my current home base is karate, and I'm going to miss it terribly next year. I could very well have one of those breakdowns if I think on this too long. In short, my final goal for 2011 is to (continue to) work as hard (and harder) during the time I have with karate.
So there it is, my 11 for 2011! Here's to a great year full of life, love, and growth.
Cheers,
RF
Showing posts with label Can of paint analogy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Can of paint analogy. Show all posts
Monday, January 3, 2011
Friday, August 13, 2010
To do: save the world
I know I said I wouldn't write a list, but I lied. I'm writing one anyways. I can't help it. I'm a compulsive list taker.
This is my list (as of now) of things I plan to include in my branching out/ reinventing the way I live process as I explained in my first post. If you're not bored to tears with that can of paint analogy, think of each bullet as a can. If you are, promptly erase that last sentence from your short term memory and move on.
1. Keep working on martial arts. I've been training in the Isshin-Ryu style for a year this August. It's a form of karate. I love it. It challenges me. It gives me something completely new to learn. It's something I can't learn from wikipedia or books, though books help round out the history knowledge. It's something I will never be "done" achieving because it's a life long discipline but with the same hat it's something I will have with me forever. It's something I can't fully explain how it has changed me.
The water goddess of Isshin-Ryu also known as the Mizugami. There's some debate apparently about the name Mizugami, some call her Megami and claim the former is incorrect. My Sensei, whom I have the utmost respect for, calls her the Mizugami. That's enough for me, people can debate all they want. She's painted on our dojo wall and quite frankly, I think she's kick ass.2. Train up to run a mile, nonstop. When I get there, run two. And so on.
3. Write a novel. In the mean time, just write. Write write write write. I love to write.
4. Write a blog post at least once a week, minimum of 100 words or about in length. This idea is manifold, one being it's a way to keep the blog up and moving, it's also a way to develop my writing (practice makes perfect, right?), it's a creative outlet, it's an excellent reflection tool, it's fun. The word limit is because I know it might get difficult once I'm back in the swing of things with my classes to take the time to write for pleasure. I'm going to do it anyways. Thank you Lakota for this idea.
5. Creative cooking! Try new recipes. Try old ones. Experiment.
6. Get thrifty! Be on the look out for old clothes and accessories. Try repurposing some things most would never wear again.
7. Break out those water colors again. One of my favorite sections of my art class in high school was water color painting. I still find myself, especially if I'm driving at dawn or dusk, staring at the horizon and thinking about how I'd mix my water colors to get the right colors and the right contrast and depth in a painting.
8. Container gardening. I've already started a small container garden complete with two pepper plants and a cilantro plant. I have plans to incorporate other veggies and herbs but for now my goal is to keep what I have alive. This should be interesting as I've never been successful with keeping plants alive. I bought a cute yellow mum and stuck it in a fun red pot to brighten up my dorm a few years ago. Suffice it to say, a month later the pot was in a box, empty, on its way back to home base where it has sat ever since on the back porch. There's a first time for everything!
Here's my little garden now. I bought them already partially grown as it's too late in the season to start from seed. That will be next year's endeavor, with close advising from Momma and the internet. I have a pepper bud on each plant and my cilantro has already grown a good 1/2 inch!9. Archery. Tapeworm recently came to me and said he wanted to take up archery as a routine activity. I couldn't agree more. We're both experienced with archery from years of Boy Scouting and Venturing. I learned a little from Girl Scouts, as well. I will say that this sport is surprisingly expensive to get into, given that you pretty much need just a bow and a set of arrows. I suppose one could even shoot off arrows in your back yard, depending on its size and as long as you live in a place that doesn't specifically prohibit it. Then you'd need a target. I live in an unincorporated part of the county and as such, we have no city ordinances to obey. Yay freedom! But jeepers, bows are expensive! This will be a sport that will take some time to work up to.
10. Learn to shoot (better). I've been shooting guns for a fair number of years now. At this point I own one and reload the ammo. I love target shooting. My favorite thing is to go to a steel plates range. The targets are set up similarly to the creepy fuzzy critters that are lined up in rows at various amusement parks and arcades, where people throw balls at them to knock them down? Think that only there's steel circles instead of fuzzy critters, one row instead of three or four, you're at a much further distance from the target, and there's a gun involved. It's great fun. I'm content with indoor ranges though, too.
11. Take up biking again. Tapeworm and I usually bike quite a bit in late fall before it gets too icy and early spring before it gets too hot. There's a trail nearby that follows a river and it's lovely, except in the dead of summer (now) when the air is saturated with moisture and bugs. As fall is approaching, I will be taking this up again.
12. Go camping more. I haven't really gotten the chance to camp much in recent years. This makes me sad as I used to be an avid camper. I have all the gear still for this. Just need to actually go!
13. Photography. I love being creative with photography. I joined a photography club my Senior year of high school. I loved it so much, my parents got me a Nikon D40x that year for Christmas. I freaking love that camera. She's sitting with me right now.
14. Take a road trip. Take two. And so on. Go anywhere. A few hours or a lot of hours. Just because. Alone or with a friend. With two friends, maybe. Spend some money along the way or don't. Just go, see what I find. Take the camera along.
15. Read all the books I've been meaning to (some are re-reads) but haven't. They've piled up. Some include:
-To Kill a Mocking Bird
-I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
-The Lovely Bones
-Screwtape Letters
-The Great Divorce
-The Chronicles of Narnia
-Alice in Wonderland
-Till We Have Faces
-The Shack
-Abarat
16. Listen to the sermon more closely on Sundays. If it helps, take notes. Crack that bible more during the week. Read up some things that are "spiritually stimulating."
17. Do things that affirm to myself that I'm beautiful. Remove such words as: calories, fat, too fat, pudgy (and the like), heavy, weight, diet, etc. from my daily vocabulary, or at least in reference to me. Go through my wardrobe and take out everything that I don't wear anymore because it's too small. I've been the same size for about two years now. Put the items that I still like and I might wear again someday in a box. Donate the rest. With the remaining items, play around with different combinations. Make some new, funky outfits! Do a "glamour shot" photo shoot either alone or with friends. Strike some funny poses. Experiment with fun eye make up. Find a new perfume to try. "Dress up," i.e. wear something besides a t-shirt and jeans, a minimum of three days out of the week- be bold! Try new hairstyles. Say "you look pretty today" to yourself instead of "ew, my hair looks gross."
That's all for now. There will be more in the future.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
An apple (dumpling) a day
Okay, so most doctors wouldn't prescribe an apple dumpling a day. But that's because they've probably never had one of these puppies that I made tonight care of The Pioneer Woman. Communists.
I've made two of the Pioneer Woman's recipes before, a modified version of her Raspberry Cream Pie and her Pineapple Chicken Quesadillas with my friend Lakota (that post can be found on her blog here). Wow that's a lot of links! Anywho, I've become a huge fan of Ree's recipes (that rhymes, ha ha, ahem) namely because they are delicious and also because she makes them virtually idiot proof by using step-by-step directions complete with pictures. I'm not completely hopeless with cooking but I wouldn't mind learning some new things, either, so thus I love her website and thus the other night, after I walked stinking and sweaty out of my dojo, I went to the grocery and got the ingredients for Ree's Apple Dumplings.
Hm, I was just thinking about why it is I haven't cooked that much in the past. I even wrote a really long little tirade that somehow branched into my view on feminism. But I deleted it. In short: I think I've avoided the stereotypical idea that women are expected to be the cooks and I'm not your stereotypical woman. However, I have decided that I can both be bad ass and cook. So that sums that up, moving on.
Pardon the darkness of the pics. I was cooking by night. My kitchen lighting isn't superb. I had my camera set to no flash. I have no excuse. Sorry.
I assembled the hit list: Sugar, vanilla, Pillsbury crescent rolls, cinnamon, a Granny Smith apple, butter, andddddd (wait for it)... Mt. Dew! Seriously, just hang on. 
I cored and skinned the apple. Chop chop, slice slice.
I have never buttered a pan this way. I always just use cooking spray, but Ree showed how she just takes the end of the stick of butter and "colors in the pan" with it like a marker. Neato!
Ahh, the crescent rolls. Stingy college student note: I almost bought the store brand because they were almost a dollar cheaper. But then I remembered Ree was particular about them being from Pillsbury and I was worried the store brand wouldn't have these awesome perforations. I know, I suck. I spent a whole dollar more for perforation assurance.
Then I wrapped each of my apple wedges into the crescent triangles like little blankets! Aww, aren't they cute? My little sleeping apples.
Next the bundled up apples got placed into the buttered dish. Sidenote, Ree's recipe called for twice the ingredients I used and she might have mentioned how, for her full recipe, it will ruin your life to use anything other than a 9x13" pan. It kinda ruined my life that I used a smaller one (incidentally the same size she used) for mine, but more on that in a bit. I decided on a half batch simply because I forgot to buy two packs of crescent rolls. I said oh sh*t and moved on.
The granular mixture was then poured over the sleeping apples. This is when that Mt. Dew came in. I poured a small amount (around 3oz) down the sides and up the center of the rows. The recipe told me so! Don't worry, it will be fine.
The last thing before sticking them in the oven was to add the cinnamon! I may have put more than was called for, but I absolutely love cinnamon so I was quite generous with it. Doesn't this look amazing?
Into the oven you go! Wow, I sound like the hag from the Grimm's Hansel and Gretel. Ha ha, into the oven my little sleeping apples!
Timer set. Now the waiting begins!
I wish it was that fast. Approximately 30 minutes after the DELICIOUS scent of this goodness began wafting through my house and teasing my taste buds, this beauty emerged piping hot and oh so crispy and juicy! This is where that whole life ruining thing comes in however. My life would have been ruined at this point but it was spared. Despite carefully cutting the recipe's measurements in two, I still had too much excess moisture in my pan. If I had left it, the dumplings would have been super soggy and especially by time any re-heating rolled around, the leftovers would probably have been ruined. So, in short, don't ruin your life- drain those puppies! You can save the excess juice. I didn't. I fail. But Ree says it's a perfect additive to dumplings and vanilla ice cream!
...speaking of, precisely 9 minutes after the dumplings emerged from the oven, my Momma and brother (I'll call him Tapeworm, I hope this is self explanatory) descended upon the kitchen. Momma fished some vanilla ice cream out of the freezer and here she is preparing the bowls for the amazingness that is to come!*pause for a moment of blissful silence*
Sorry, I zoned out as I thought about that delicious dumpling. It was... I don't know if there's a word in the English language to fully describe it. I won't attempt it. You get the idea. After finishing mine, I asked the question "would it make me a complete fatty to eat another?" Having received no affirming responses, I helped myself to a second. I will wait for tomorrow for another as there are plans to cook with Lakota. She would probably not be too happy with me if I ate all of the dumplings after promising her a few. I'm a good friend. *pats self on back*
Ta da! Dumplings made! Another benefit of this recipe? My house now smells amazing and I haven't lit a single candle. There's nothing like the smells of freshly baked heaven.
Sigh. I'd eat one of those things every day for the rest of my life and it would never get old. My waist line, however, would surely explode. I guess that old saying really only meant one plain apple a day. But why didn't they say so? I feel as if there should have been a disclaimer.
A deeba deeba deeb, that's all folks!
Signed,
RF
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
What's in a name?
If we call a rose by any other name, say a doorstop, it will still smell like a rose (thanks Willy S. for that input). If I called myself Sparkle O'Featherty I'd still be a twenty-something with a little more junk in the trunk than I care for and a playlist that has been repeated a few too many times.
I'm starting my New Year's Resolution a bit late. Okay, really late. It's August. Regardless, my here-on-out resolution is that I want to branch out. Step out of my comfort zone. I want to try new things. Try old things that have gone by the wayside. I want to try harder at things I've picked up only to forget about it in the back of my closet or in my garage or in a stack of notebooks under my desk. I want to move forward, in other words. But sometimes I literally feel like a running fish. or a caterpillar riding a bicycle. or an elephant pole vaulting. You get the point. The thing is, I want to go beyond what I "can't" do. It's not good enough for me to tell myself that I can't run a mile because I've never literally ran one non-stop and I'm out of shape, or to say I can't write a novel on my own because I don't think my writing is good enough, or to say that I can't have a serious relationship with a guy because I suck at those kind of relationships. No no no no no. I'm sick and tired of that logic because I've been using it all my life.
I'm starting my New Year's Resolution a bit late. Okay, really late. It's August. Regardless, my here-on-out resolution is that I want to branch out. Step out of my comfort zone. I want to try new things. Try old things that have gone by the wayside. I want to try harder at things I've picked up only to forget about it in the back of my closet or in my garage or in a stack of notebooks under my desk. I want to move forward, in other words. But sometimes I literally feel like a running fish. or a caterpillar riding a bicycle. or an elephant pole vaulting. You get the point. The thing is, I want to go beyond what I "can't" do. It's not good enough for me to tell myself that I can't run a mile because I've never literally ran one non-stop and I'm out of shape, or to say I can't write a novel on my own because I don't think my writing is good enough, or to say that I can't have a serious relationship with a guy because I suck at those kind of relationships. No no no no no. I'm sick and tired of that logic because I've been using it all my life.
*queue ethereal flashback music*
As far back as I can remember, I felt huge around my peers. Literally huge. HUGE. huge. I was the girl who by First grade was already a good half a head taller than the average in my class. By time I was in the Fourth grade, I was taller and about twice the weight (not exaggerating) as my teacher. In my defense, she was super petite. But still, I was ten and entering the stage where my classmates noticed this sort of thing. It didn't help my case that I wore clothes that were a good size too big for my already roly-poly body, I hardly ever brushed my hair, and I used this God-awful lavender and something scented shampoo/conditioner that still makes my nose wrinkle when I think about how it made my hair smell. It reeked.
Fourth grade was also the first year we started doing distance running in gym class. The goal was a half-mile that year. By Fifth grade, we were expected to go a mile at the end of the year. I was always the girl who either never finished because we ran out of time or was the last one to finish. I'd try to run, I really would, but then I'd get winded and would stop. It was actually painful.
The other kids would laugh at me as they ran past in a big group, all with their slender limbs propelling them along. I just didn't fit into the mold needed to be a part of the pack. Some years I was fortunate to have a classmate who was also on the heavy side to keep me company, but I was always still taller (and in those days that meant "bigger" as well) and I never finished ahead of anyone. Not once. From Fourth grade through my Sophomore year of high school, the last year I had a gym class that required a mile-run. I always seemed to come up short of doing anything well. I even got in trouble for reading when I wasn't supposed to, but that's another story.
While this all might seem like a really long tangent that needs to nipped off and redirected, it's all quite crucial to how I view myself and the world around me now as an adult. I still get a chuckle out of typing those words "as an adult" in reference to myself. Chuckle chuckle.
Fully grown now, I stand at 6'1" tall barefoot. I started to get a handle on my weight in my late teens- I lost approximately 85 pounds between my Freshmen and Senior years of high school. No small feat (pardon the pun), I will give myself a clap for this. Clap clap. College wasn't that nice to me, however, in the weight department. I managed to keep myself nice and trim my Freshmen year, but the following Summer and on into the Fall of my Sophomore year I gained a good 25 pounds back. Which is where I have remained for the past year.
To continue the positive note, however, I've developed my sense of personal style significantly. I've never been the super girly-makeupy-frilly type gal, but I have found that I really enjoy the times I put more effort into my appearance than pulling on the first pair of jeans and t-shirt that I come across in the morning. Not that I don't still do that...cause I do and probably always will. The point is I enjoy being slouchy but I also enjoy finding funky clothes and some simple but unique jewelry to wear. A little makeup doesn't hurt either. Funky glasses are a nice touch as well. I've come to actually embrace looking different.
I find that I've come a very long way from that chunky blonde kid and her smelly shampoo hair (I've since switched to a less pungent line of haircare products). But I've come to realize lately that I don't think that girl's mind set, the one that she learned from years of being bullied and feeling like an outcast, I don't think it's entirely gone from my system.
That little girl sure shined up like a new penny though in high school, when I finally made some lasting friendships and positively flourished under the guidance of some amazing teachers and fulfilling extracurriculars. More on them at a later date. That's the woman I want to be now, the one who shines like that new penny all the time.
This brings me back to my pseudonym, Running Fish. I am the ugly duckling girl turned swan. If I could mail a picture of myself and what I feel about myself now to my eight year old self, that would be one flabbergasted kid. I might not be the beautiful swan of Hans Christian Andersen's fairy tale, but I'm certainly not the ugly duckling anymore. I like the name Running Fish, it suits me because I've become what I never thought I could be.
I want more, however. Just like the little baby who takes his or her first breath of air and then sucks greedily for more, demanding life, I've gotten a taste of someone I never thought I could be and I want more.
Thus my next and final point: reinventing myself. New beginnings must be in the air. Or in the water here, because a close friend of mine is also going through a reinventing process of her own. We've been discussing the process, it's very technical. *takes a sip of refreshing water, asks to be pardoned for the pun*
I've always been of the list making variety (in school it's really the only way I can keep myself on track most of the time) but this time, I don't have a definitive "this is everything I plan to do to further myself" list. What I do have is an open canvas and a whole lot of paint I'd like to use. Some of the paint cans I've admired include fiction writing, martial arts, container gardening, creative cooking (my family has really loved it as I've explored this one, I must say), water color painting, and most recently archery. Some of the cans, container gardening for instance, I've only just opened. Some, like martial arts, I've already painted with quite a bit. Some, like archery, I've done before but haven't in a long while. I plan to try all of these things. I don't know what will find a permanent place in my repertoire of life activities. I don't know what else I'll stumble along now that my mind is cleared and opened.
I've taken a breath of fresh air. This past summer has been rather difficult emotionally for me. But I have high hopes for this fall and the seasons to follow it. My past will always be a part of me, but it is only that, a part not my entirety. I might have decided all of this a tad too late for a 2010 resolution or for spring cleaning, but I want this to last more than just a year or any other specific set amount of time. I want to reinvent not who am I but how I live. Because I want to live and live fully.
That's probably enough for now. I can put that deep, philosophical box of mine back on the shelf. Don't worry, it's still visible. I won't stuff it into the nether region of my closet.
Here's a fun video from the recent Disney film Princess and the Frog to wrap things up. If you haven't had enough of my philosophizing, and you're sad I packed that box up, you'll especially enjoy the sentiment behind this catchy ditty.
As far back as I can remember, I felt huge around my peers. Literally huge. HUGE. huge. I was the girl who by First grade was already a good half a head taller than the average in my class. By time I was in the Fourth grade, I was taller and about twice the weight (not exaggerating) as my teacher. In my defense, she was super petite. But still, I was ten and entering the stage where my classmates noticed this sort of thing. It didn't help my case that I wore clothes that were a good size too big for my already roly-poly body, I hardly ever brushed my hair, and I used this God-awful lavender and something scented shampoo/conditioner that still makes my nose wrinkle when I think about how it made my hair smell. It reeked.
Fourth grade was also the first year we started doing distance running in gym class. The goal was a half-mile that year. By Fifth grade, we were expected to go a mile at the end of the year. I was always the girl who either never finished because we ran out of time or was the last one to finish. I'd try to run, I really would, but then I'd get winded and would stop. It was actually painful.
The other kids would laugh at me as they ran past in a big group, all with their slender limbs propelling them along. I just didn't fit into the mold needed to be a part of the pack. Some years I was fortunate to have a classmate who was also on the heavy side to keep me company, but I was always still taller (and in those days that meant "bigger" as well) and I never finished ahead of anyone. Not once. From Fourth grade through my Sophomore year of high school, the last year I had a gym class that required a mile-run. I always seemed to come up short of doing anything well. I even got in trouble for reading when I wasn't supposed to, but that's another story.
While this all might seem like a really long tangent that needs to nipped off and redirected, it's all quite crucial to how I view myself and the world around me now as an adult. I still get a chuckle out of typing those words "as an adult" in reference to myself. Chuckle chuckle.
Fully grown now, I stand at 6'1" tall barefoot. I started to get a handle on my weight in my late teens- I lost approximately 85 pounds between my Freshmen and Senior years of high school. No small feat (pardon the pun), I will give myself a clap for this. Clap clap. College wasn't that nice to me, however, in the weight department. I managed to keep myself nice and trim my Freshmen year, but the following Summer and on into the Fall of my Sophomore year I gained a good 25 pounds back. Which is where I have remained for the past year.
To continue the positive note, however, I've developed my sense of personal style significantly. I've never been the super girly-makeupy-frilly type gal, but I have found that I really enjoy the times I put more effort into my appearance than pulling on the first pair of jeans and t-shirt that I come across in the morning. Not that I don't still do that...cause I do and probably always will. The point is I enjoy being slouchy but I also enjoy finding funky clothes and some simple but unique jewelry to wear. A little makeup doesn't hurt either. Funky glasses are a nice touch as well. I've come to actually embrace looking different.
I find that I've come a very long way from that chunky blonde kid and her smelly shampoo hair (I've since switched to a less pungent line of haircare products). But I've come to realize lately that I don't think that girl's mind set, the one that she learned from years of being bullied and feeling like an outcast, I don't think it's entirely gone from my system.
That little girl sure shined up like a new penny though in high school, when I finally made some lasting friendships and positively flourished under the guidance of some amazing teachers and fulfilling extracurriculars. More on them at a later date. That's the woman I want to be now, the one who shines like that new penny all the time.
This brings me back to my pseudonym, Running Fish. I am the ugly duckling girl turned swan. If I could mail a picture of myself and what I feel about myself now to my eight year old self, that would be one flabbergasted kid. I might not be the beautiful swan of Hans Christian Andersen's fairy tale, but I'm certainly not the ugly duckling anymore. I like the name Running Fish, it suits me because I've become what I never thought I could be.
I want more, however. Just like the little baby who takes his or her first breath of air and then sucks greedily for more, demanding life, I've gotten a taste of someone I never thought I could be and I want more.
Thus my next and final point: reinventing myself. New beginnings must be in the air. Or in the water here, because a close friend of mine is also going through a reinventing process of her own. We've been discussing the process, it's very technical. *takes a sip of refreshing water, asks to be pardoned for the pun*
I've always been of the list making variety (in school it's really the only way I can keep myself on track most of the time) but this time, I don't have a definitive "this is everything I plan to do to further myself" list. What I do have is an open canvas and a whole lot of paint I'd like to use. Some of the paint cans I've admired include fiction writing, martial arts, container gardening, creative cooking (my family has really loved it as I've explored this one, I must say), water color painting, and most recently archery. Some of the cans, container gardening for instance, I've only just opened. Some, like martial arts, I've already painted with quite a bit. Some, like archery, I've done before but haven't in a long while. I plan to try all of these things. I don't know what will find a permanent place in my repertoire of life activities. I don't know what else I'll stumble along now that my mind is cleared and opened.
I've taken a breath of fresh air. This past summer has been rather difficult emotionally for me. But I have high hopes for this fall and the seasons to follow it. My past will always be a part of me, but it is only that, a part not my entirety. I might have decided all of this a tad too late for a 2010 resolution or for spring cleaning, but I want this to last more than just a year or any other specific set amount of time. I want to reinvent not who am I but how I live. Because I want to live and live fully.
That's probably enough for now. I can put that deep, philosophical box of mine back on the shelf. Don't worry, it's still visible. I won't stuff it into the nether region of my closet.
Here's a fun video from the recent Disney film Princess and the Frog to wrap things up. If you haven't had enough of my philosophizing, and you're sad I packed that box up, you'll especially enjoy the sentiment behind this catchy ditty.
Signed,
Sparkle O'Featherty
(just kidding)
Running Fish
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