Okay, so most doctors wouldn't prescribe an apple dumpling a day. But that's because they've probably never had one of these puppies that I made tonight care of The Pioneer Woman. Communists.
I've made two of the Pioneer Woman's recipes before, a modified version of her Raspberry Cream Pie and her Pineapple Chicken Quesadillas with my friend Lakota (that post can be found on her blog here). Wow that's a lot of links! Anywho, I've become a huge fan of Ree's recipes (that rhymes, ha ha, ahem) namely because they are delicious and also because she makes them virtually idiot proof by using step-by-step directions complete with pictures. I'm not completely hopeless with cooking but I wouldn't mind learning some new things, either, so thus I love her website and thus the other night, after I walked stinking and sweaty out of my dojo, I went to the grocery and got the ingredients for Ree's Apple Dumplings.
Hm, I was just thinking about why it is I haven't cooked that much in the past. I even wrote a really long little tirade that somehow branched into my view on feminism. But I deleted it. In short: I think I've avoided the stereotypical idea that women are expected to be the cooks and I'm not your stereotypical woman. However, I have decided that I can both be bad ass and cook. So that sums that up, moving on.
Pardon the darkness of the pics. I was cooking by night. My kitchen lighting isn't superb. I had my camera set to no flash. I have no excuse. Sorry.
I assembled the hit list: Sugar, vanilla, Pillsbury crescent rolls, cinnamon, a Granny Smith apple, butter, andddddd (wait for it)... Mt. Dew! Seriously, just hang on. 
I cored and skinned the apple. Chop chop, slice slice.
I have never buttered a pan this way. I always just use cooking spray, but Ree showed how she just takes the end of the stick of butter and "colors in the pan" with it like a marker. Neato!
Ahh, the crescent rolls. Stingy college student note: I almost bought the store brand because they were almost a dollar cheaper. But then I remembered Ree was particular about them being from Pillsbury and I was worried the store brand wouldn't have these awesome perforations. I know, I suck. I spent a whole dollar more for perforation assurance.
Then I wrapped each of my apple wedges into the crescent triangles like little blankets! Aww, aren't they cute? My little sleeping apples.
Next the bundled up apples got placed into the buttered dish. Sidenote, Ree's recipe called for twice the ingredients I used and she might have mentioned how, for her full recipe, it will ruin your life to use anything other than a 9x13" pan. It kinda ruined my life that I used a smaller one (incidentally the same size she used) for mine, but more on that in a bit. I decided on a half batch simply because I forgot to buy two packs of crescent rolls. I said oh sh*t and moved on.
The granular mixture was then poured over the sleeping apples. This is when that Mt. Dew came in. I poured a small amount (around 3oz) down the sides and up the center of the rows. The recipe told me so! Don't worry, it will be fine.
The last thing before sticking them in the oven was to add the cinnamon! I may have put more than was called for, but I absolutely love cinnamon so I was quite generous with it. Doesn't this look amazing?
Into the oven you go! Wow, I sound like the hag from the Grimm's Hansel and Gretel. Ha ha, into the oven my little sleeping apples!
Timer set. Now the waiting begins!
I wish it was that fast. Approximately 30 minutes after the DELICIOUS scent of this goodness began wafting through my house and teasing my taste buds, this beauty emerged piping hot and oh so crispy and juicy! This is where that whole life ruining thing comes in however. My life would have been ruined at this point but it was spared. Despite carefully cutting the recipe's measurements in two, I still had too much excess moisture in my pan. If I had left it, the dumplings would have been super soggy and especially by time any re-heating rolled around, the leftovers would probably have been ruined. So, in short, don't ruin your life- drain those puppies! You can save the excess juice. I didn't. I fail. But Ree says it's a perfect additive to dumplings and vanilla ice cream!
...speaking of, precisely 9 minutes after the dumplings emerged from the oven, my Momma and brother (I'll call him Tapeworm, I hope this is self explanatory) descended upon the kitchen. Momma fished some vanilla ice cream out of the freezer and here she is preparing the bowls for the amazingness that is to come!*pause for a moment of blissful silence*
Sorry, I zoned out as I thought about that delicious dumpling. It was... I don't know if there's a word in the English language to fully describe it. I won't attempt it. You get the idea. After finishing mine, I asked the question "would it make me a complete fatty to eat another?" Having received no affirming responses, I helped myself to a second. I will wait for tomorrow for another as there are plans to cook with Lakota. She would probably not be too happy with me if I ate all of the dumplings after promising her a few. I'm a good friend. *pats self on back*
Ta da! Dumplings made! Another benefit of this recipe? My house now smells amazing and I haven't lit a single candle. There's nothing like the smells of freshly baked heaven.
Sigh. I'd eat one of those things every day for the rest of my life and it would never get old. My waist line, however, would surely explode. I guess that old saying really only meant one plain apple a day. But why didn't they say so? I feel as if there should have been a disclaimer.
A deeba deeba deeb, that's all folks!
Signed,
RF
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